I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
