my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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