Me. At least after what I've been through.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
