I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
