I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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