Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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