i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
