Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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