My nipple is on Facebook.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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