While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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