If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
