i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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