so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
