i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My vagina just clenched in fear
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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