i think i have herpe
just one?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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