i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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