Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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