ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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