yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
