she woke up with a sticky ear
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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