y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
