I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
