im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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