Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
