Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
