Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
