i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
