I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I need to calm my uterus...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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