I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
