Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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