guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
