i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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