Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
