I'd wear matching sweaters with you
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
