i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i've created a new STD.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
