So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
