I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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