At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
