Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
