i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
