I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
