Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
