hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
