Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
