That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
