It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
