Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
