i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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