lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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