Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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