Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
