Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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