I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
