Christians are straight up FREAKS
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
