They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
