Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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