I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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