So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I wish i was in the wii world.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
