is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
