no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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