she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize