My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize