It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
