There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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