tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
