Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
