You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize