Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
