lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
