You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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