I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
