just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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