please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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