Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
