mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
